Ferate's 5: Who Am I Becoming, Stacks of Undeniable Proof, & Chipping Away At What I Am Not. (003)

Let’s Go!!! Welcome!

First things first, it’s Ferate like karate with an F or kinda like the car, Ferrari.

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Could be just me, but I don’t think I’m the only one. Has there ever been a concept that you couldn’t get out of your mind even if you tried? Stuck at the top of the list in your brain and you notice everywhere. Just like when you say red car 10 times out loud and then see it all over the city.

Well, “Who am I becoming?” is this week’s common thread and feels like a fresh tattoo. I am curious about who people want to become and how they choose to answer that question. Or if they even think about it at all. Below are 5 concepts that share the thread of becoming and that have helped me evolve my perspective.

We are in control because it all comes down to the daily actions we take.

So, what actions are you taking?

Who Am I Becoming? James Clear Atomic Habits.

Most of us have read or at least hear of the book, Atomic Habits by James Clear unless you are living under a rock. It is iconic. It has done decent selling roughly 10 million copies. It is one of the foundational blocks in how I think about my behaviors, actions, and who I am becoming. This was the original starting point.

What an absolute heavy hitter. This quote is what drove me to deeply question myself and think about “who am I becoming?” The actions I take cast votes toward what kind of person I am. I am creating my identity through my actions & choices. It can be positive or negative. If I am hungover all the time, drink most days of the week, and don’t sleep that is ultimately the type of person I becoming. Flip side I take actions to sleep well, exercise, connect with people deeply, and invest in my growth that builds up evidence of who I am. Actions that we take each day are writing and shaping the story we have about ourselves. Behaviors craft our personal narrative.

Who is the type of person I wish to become?

What’s the type of identity I want to be reinforcing?

Who Are You Trying To Be? Ben Wilson.

Ben shared this lesson when he was a guest on my podcast. This hit deep! His work is extracting lessons from the greats that have come before us and applying them to our lives through his podcast, How To Take Over The World. He said, “When you have the answer to this question it brings so much clarity into your life.”

The greats had a north star, a vision, and someone who they were trying to be. Steve Jobs wanted to be like Edwin Land, Cesar wanted to be like Alexander the Great, & Napoleon wanted to be like Cesar. They all knew exactly who they were trying to be. It makes decision-making so much easier once you know “I’m on this path”. The greats did the work and now you can test what works and what isn’t.

• Step 1: Identity who you want to be. Gut-check yourself if that is who you really want to be. Does your path match up with that?

• Step 2: Do everything they did. Try it out. What was important or just a quirk? Only deviate when necessity dictates; if it doesn’t work for you, you can safely discard it.

Having a north star is a powerful way to gain clarity when you are discovering who you are trying to be. The greats show you what has worked, what doesn’t, and what attributes are needed.

You figure out what “being you” truly means by trying out a unique collection of attributes from others.

Rich Roll & Tim Ferriss Billboard Question. Episode #561.

Ok ok ok, I know I said the last two hit, but this one is the REAL DEAL. The last two were the appetizers and set the table for the entree.

This lesson was one that really helped me have more clarity in 2020-2021 when I was way too in my head on what I am doing with my life. What should I do next or what I needed to do? First, the issue with that last sentence was the words “should” and “needed”. That’s my inner critic getting after it. The key to answering these questions is to not should on yourself.

Tim Ferriss has the famous question of if you had a billboard and you could put anything on it what would you put? Throughout COVID and 2020-2021 I struggled a lot with my previous identity and evolving. I felt the growing pains. Questioning what I have been doing with my life and what I am doing moving forward. All that questioning led me down a “who am I?” path. I had a tough time answering it without being judgemental until I discovered this. Below is the transcript of the conversation.

Thank you Rich Roll. You changed my life. Hard to sum it up better than the original transcripts. The question we should be asking is who am I becoming? The reason is “who am I” is in the past. Once you think about your answer for 5 minutes or so it all is out of control, it already happened. Who am I becoming is 100% in my control because my actions determine who I become.

Pomp Podcast & Ryan Holiday - Killing off our previous selves.

Ryan Holiday gets right into it on the Pomp podcast sharing a unique way to look at discovering who you are becoming and who you are not. Pomp asks right off the bat how Ryan successfully continues to reinvent himself. Dropped out of college, American Apparel, apprentice for Robert Greene, Writer on a range of topics, and creating the Daily Stoic empire. Ryan explains he started as a collection of things, exploring each path. When he hit a dead end or wasn’t interested anymore, he killed off that version of himself by realizing that is not who he is through testing it out.

In retrospect, the path looks so much more clear. I loved the lesson in this because it puts the power in our hands. We must explore, seek, and discover what works and what doesn’t through action. Killing off the types of people who thought we could be through trial & error.

Recently on episode 28 of my podcast, Ali Kershner shared a similar lesson. Life is a process of discovering and “slowly chipping away what I am not, to get close to what I am. It started really early, and from there took a bunch of jobs that taught me not what I wanted but what I didn’t want to do.”

Hearing her say that instantly reminded me of Pomp and Ryan Holiday. Ali followed that up with some more sizzling heat, sharing these three powerful flash in the pan questions pulled from Ikigai.

• What do you love to do? What fires you up?

• What are you uniquely qualified to do?

• What does the world need from you? Where you can deliver value?

“You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self-doubt.”

Quote from Alex Hormozi that I heard recently when listing to Chris Williamson’s podcast, Modern Wisdom that is a direct strike on identity development, the solution for imposter syndrome, & answering the question of “who am I becoming?”

My greatest takeaway from this quote is the win is in the work. It always always always comes full circle and back to the James Clear quote from the beginning about casting votes through action. Stacking undeniable proof of who you say you are through a consistent bias toward action.

Am I the type of person who values my health? Stack undeniable proof.

Am I a writer? Stack undeniable proof.

Am I a podcaster? Stack undeniable proof

Am I bold, courageous, & great at setting boundaries? Stack undeniable proof.

This week’s Ferate’s 5 means a lot to me. If you connected with any of the 5 specifically or my writing this week it would mean a lot for you to subscribe, share this on social media, share it with someone who you think would benefit from this, and email or text me what you loved.

Who am I becoming is a question that is liberating and gives us all freedom. We have the freedom to become whoever we want to be instead of being stuck focused on things out of your control.

If this all seems too big and challenging, try starting with this lesson from my great friend Cat Wade. Write “Who am I becoming?” at the top of the blank sheet in your journal and then for 2 minutes brain dump what comes to mind.

2 minutes of flushing out your thoughts on who you want to become, why, and who you are becoming based on the actions you chose yesterday. If you have roughly the same day as yesterday for the next 5 years, are you okay with that? Are you okay with who you would become?

Writing about this helps me figure it out because I don’t have all the answers. It helps me be an active participant in my life, connect with others, and discover what it is that I truly want to want in my life.

Best Day of the year, until tomorrow.

Ferate