Ferate's 5: 3rd Person Perspective. The Superpower That Can Change Your Life. (004)

Let’s Go!!! Welcome!

First things first, it’s Ferate like karate with an F or kinda like the car, Ferrari.

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What’s up everyone welcome back to the 4th addition of Ferate’s 5. Shout out to everyone who has reached out to connect about the new format of the newsletter and the NEW SUBSCRIBERS! I love this new framework for exploring my curiosity, sharing through lines or common threads I have observed, and delivering value to your week!

Let’s set the table. Two quick questions.

Who is your toughest critic?

What’s the difference between how you talk to yourself & how you speak to your best friend?

A little backstory, in January I had the opportunity to speak with over +110 student-athletes at the University of Portland Student-Athlete Advisory Committee event. My presentation was about changing the way we think about motivation and why the real fuel for life comes from our purpose. I asked the room who is our worst critic and at the same time, they all said “ourselves”! That freaking inner critic.

I am guilty of this too. What we say to ourselves is so far away from what we would say to our best friend. Here is the full presentation.

Okay. So we got this inner critic and maybe some judgment, now what? Well, this week’s through line is the power of the 3rd person. Think about the difference between playing Call of Duty or Fortnite. Call of Duty you’re in it, a first-person shooter seeing the world just like how we see it (except in the future or World War II). Fortnite lets you zoom out, see your surroundings and look at things a little differently. Same thing if we are playing NCAA Football or we are playing FIFA both are from the perspective of the third person. Seeing more of the field, what everyone is doing, and making better decisions compared to staring through helmets.

Ok ok ok. You get the point. I’ll chill on the video games.

I always thought I was a weirdo for journaling to myself in the 3rd person. Talking through things and to myself like “Alright Ferate what did you get yourself into…” but there is some magic in it.

1. JOCKO WILLINK DETACH.

Jocko is such a unique human being! Navy Seal, Commander of SEAL TEAM 3, Author, Podcaster, on and on and on. You may know him from the “GOOD” video, his Instagram photos of his watch at 4 am, and discipline equals freedom.

In his book, Extreme Ownership he shares this vital lesson in leadership that he used during his time as the commander of SEAL TEAM 3 going into Ramadi and in life. When you detach, when you pull yourself out of the details or from being emotional, to gain a better perspective to see what is the most important.

Jocko explained “You have reached the pinnacle of leadership when you learn to detach, especially amid high-pressure situations, enabling you to remain calm and focus efforts on the highest priority task. The ability to detach and analyze problems without getting rattled is a superpower that will enable you to lead, even when others are freaking out or falling apart.”

2. MARCUS AURELIUS’ MEDITATIONS.

In channeling our inner Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, we come from a place of clarity, compassion, & truth. Compared to coming from a place of emotional judgment. You notice in Meditations, the Roman emperor rarely says “I need to…” or “I should of…” or beats himself up for something that happened. The best lines of his famous book, Meditations, are all guidance to himself. Unbelievable that it was simply his journal and never meant to be a book. Some of my favorites are below.

• Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.

• “The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

• We all love ourselves more than other people but care more about their opinion than our own.

2. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY & TIM FERRIES (Ep #474)

• When I think about talking to ourselves the first person I think of is freaking Matthew McConaughey. He is such a legend of storytelling, living life the way he wants, and uniquely being himself. In his amazing book Greenlights and again in this conversation with Tim Ferriss, he repeatedly works through the good and bad through writing and referring to himself out loud as “McConaughey”.

4. Peter Attia Voice Memos 16 Min mark (TOOL)

This one had me say “No Way” out loud in the car when Peter Attia jumped on Joe Rogan’s podcast. Peter Attia is a physician, researcher, and entrepreneur who is dedicated to improving human lifespan and healthspan. Has a legit podcast and most recently came out with his book, Outlive.

In his conversation with Joe Rogan, he went behind the curtain on how ruthless he was to himself throughout life in his pursuits. Long story short he would destroy himself with self-talk and being obsessed with a destructive sense of being driven. The lesson here was what this therapist had him do.

Every time he experienced a meltdown and when we wanted to crush himself with self-talk to pause. In that pause, he records a voice memo, talking to himself as if he was his best friend, and sends it to his therapist. What a crazy practice.

Anytime shit hits the fan. Stop, pause, and detach (Jocko) then click record on that iPhone voice memo. How would you talk your best friend through this moment? Is it that big of a deal?

• Every time you do something you do it to create rage.

• Speak as if your friend is made that mistake. What would you do?

• 4 to 5 times a day for 4 to 5 months - inner Bobby Knight.

• 16 min 18:30 min

5. Joe Holder - Calum Johnson Podcast 43 Min Mark

Why are we so much better at advising other people compared to giving and taking our own? Joe Holder, founder of Ocho System, Nike Master trainer, the go-to guy for exercise snacks, and much more. He is someone I look up to not only in the coaching space but in the entrepreneur space as well. He is involved in so many interesting projects and carving his own path on his terms.

Joe explained in his most recent podcast with Calum Johnson, the importance of self-distancing, 3rd person's perspective, and improving our internal dialogue. I love the mirror test that Joe explained and its application to all aspects of life. Simply asking “Did what I did work?” yes or no? Why? Okay, what steps do I need to take moving forward? A simple and actionable way to start that conversation between you and you!

It all is a process of closing the gap, shortening the time between stimulus and response. Joe’s example in the podcast was brilliant. Catching yourself and asking the question: “Why do I keep wanting to reach for my phone?” What is that? Actually asking yourself that and answering to the self-distant version of yourself is where the magic happens. “You spend most of your time alone it’s okay to do the weird stuff. Ask, yo Joe why you keep grabbing your phone?”

It is okay to do weird stuff. Actually, it is probably better to do the weird stuff. Society sees it as weird and then at the same time, the greats do it. As the through line cuts through these five today. From stoics to doctors, to actors, to Nike Master Trainers, and to the commander of SEAL Team 3 they all have their own personal style of detaching from their emotions and harnessing the superpower for the better.

It is a practice that I have started about a year ago. When I journal at times I write Meditations at the top of the page, pretend I am writing my own Marcus Aurelius book, and write as if I coaching myself. Ferate, what’s up man… just like that. My journals aren’t going to be found in thousands of years and get published but it is going to help me become who it is I want to be in the future.

Do you talk to yourself in the 3rd person? When? I would love to hear more about how you use self-distancing and how you improve your inner dialogue.

If you loved anything about this week’s newsletter, please reach out and let me know what you think. What was your singular favorite or what is one thing you are going to apply to your life right now? Also, it would mean a lot if you could share this via social media or send it to someone that means a lot to you!

Appreciate you all. Keep stacking days. Keep making every day the best day of the year until tomorrow.

Ferate

Cover Photo Courtesy of Siora Photography on Unsplash