What Life Lessons Can You Not Forget? How To Say No & Bonfire Moments.

There are things in life you discover that impact you so deeply that you always find a way back to them. There is no need to note where you can find it because it somehow tattooed itself onto your brain. Those kinds of things light me up. Especially learning what those things are for others! What lesson can you not get forget?

Tim Ferriss Podcast had a new twist, in episode 599 Tim shares four clips from previous guests that impacted him personally. I had heard of Sam Harris, Peter Attia, & Ramit Sethi before but then Tim made a call to the bullpen for the closer, Elizebeth Gilbert. It was my first time hearing their conversation and she changed the FREAKIN GAME!

Elizebeth Gilbert has an epic story that you can check out here. In the 15-minute clip, she shares lessons from Byron Katie (BK) and Martha Beck (The original life coach from where the title was created & Oprah’s life coach). These lessons are killers and I believe are life-changing. (Spotify Link - 15 Min Clip Start at 1:45:00)

The Simple No

It is simple, not easy. It is something that I have been working to improve by practicing over and over. The freaking simple no. Elizebeth Gilbert shares that the closer the people are to us the harder it is, it is the people we care about the most and want to hurt the least. Practicing is key so you can live the way you truly want to live.

What is the simple no? “Thank you and no” that is it. Four words and then space after.

1. There is never a “but” it is an “and”

2. BK shares a few other ways to do the “Simple No.”

   1. “You might be right about that and no.”

   2. “I see that and no.”

   3. “If I change my mind about this I will let you know and no.”

   4. “I hear you, understand you, and no.”

3. The core of it is “Thank you and no”. That is the lesson, nothing extra and nothing added to it. Four words and the skill of saying nothing more to fill the dead space after the “no”. There will never be a good enough reason why especially for a narcissist or an excellent manipulator. Embrace the space and soak it in. “The more words you add after that the more entangled you get.” - Elizebeth Gilbert.

Letting Your Fear & Wisdom Speak

She also shared two impactful lessons from Martha Beck (the original life coach where the word originated from and Oprah’s life coach). The first lesson is letting your fear speak. A powerful practice of opening up your journal writing fear at the top of the paper and then politely, with non-violet compassion and no judgment, you invite your fear to speak. Write from a place of fear.

After 5 minutes, you say out loud “thank you so much for saying that and for trusting me to be so vulnerable and tell me everything you are afraid of. I now ask you to step aside and I am going to bring another part of myself forward and ask wisdom what it thinks.” With wisdom at the top of the paper now let wisdom speak. Write from a place of wisdom

She explained that is what makes Meditations from Roman Emperor & philosopher Marcus Aurelius so great. It is all coming from a place of anxiety but he writes back to himself from a place of wisdom. He speaks to himself as if he is detached and coaching himself “come on man, this is the time to act.” Letting wisdom speak instead of his emotions and feelings when asking the questions such as, What is the meaning of my life? how do I serve without being destroyed in service? how do I handle difficult people? how do I handle my powerlessness? what is beyond my control?

Bonfire moments.

Those insanely challenging moments and crossroads that feel like are the biggest decision of your life. Moments that are filled with questions, mind racing about the future, and strain. Well once you get in one of those moments in the future you can think back to this article and realize you are in a bonfire moment. Elizabeth Gilbert explained Martha Beck is so excited when we experience these moments because you have to jump.

Only two things can happen when you jump into the bonfire. First, it wasn’t a bonfire at all. That it was actually warm, soft, and easy instead of getting burned. The second is it is a bonfire, you are incinerated and burned, everything is destroyed and you are reborn like a phoenix completely new because EVERYTHING is stripped away.

Check out the short podcast clip. I would love to hear how you use these lessons, specifically how you have used the simple no in your life.

Best Day of the Year, Until Tomorrow…

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